He Remains the Same

I feel awesome. I can tell you a few reasons why. I know that I have a place to belong in this world, in fact probably a few places. I know I have a family that loves me, friends that enjoy my company, and customers/strangers that enjoy being helped by me. I know that I can count on them as I promise to do the same. I may not always realize them, but deeper in my heart, deeper than my fear of not knowing this, I can count on them. You cannot buy that, it is earned and learned. It takes trust, faith, diligence, patience, and love. I will not always have a reminder of it, but I will always have it deep down. On the other hand, I know that harsh trials come along at all times and occasions. It is how one deals with these that makes or breaks them, that strengthens or weakens them. Sometimes a blessing comes out of it, just before it, or even at the same time or continuously through it. I have had plenty of these so far in my walk of life and faith, but there will be so much more of them ahead. Just in the last few weeks I have had the roughest part of my life's journey: I finished up what will have been the hardest semester of college (and possibly ever of school) while having two part-time jobs and under the most stress I have ever had up to this point. I also managed to get sick twice (once with a cold of coughing and sneezing which is decreasing yet persisting even now, and then with a bacterial infection that left my whole system out of whack--digestive, immune, also my sleeping and eating were greatly affected.) I am having trouble finishing classes on time and it is proving difficult to arrange all of this. I still have two classes that are required to take in order to graduate, and one is the prerequisite of the other so that is even more confusing. Anyway, that is all to say that I have come on top of those challenges. As I recently posted on Facebook, that was a hard time for me yet I came out strong: I didn't even realize I was taking 18 credits (with 2 jobs on the side) and actually INCREASED my GPA (cumulative, my semester GPA sky rocketed from last sem.) I also can tell you that this has all come upon me by a power greater than me, greater than I could ever have on my own. I have no one greater to thank than God. This is what gives my happiness. I know that regardless of my situation, He loves me the same. There are blessings and curses, opportunities grasped and withheld, times to gather up and times to bring down, YET HE REMAINS.

Healthy Heart

It has been a long time and I apologize. I have been very weak from the school year ending, I have already been sick twice since summer has started (once with a cold and another with bacterial infection), and I have generally felt lazy like I do at the beginning of each summer. Anyway, I have some thoughts for you. I just had a quick thought about what Jesus' love for us is like. There are phrases thrown about in "love songs," like, "I lost me when I found you," "I'll give you my heart," "I'm nothing without you," or anything that implies the person was nothing, or gave up everything to find/have the other person. I'm thinking, what a way to live? Who would want to accept that? Then I thought that Jesus' love would be more like a marriage relationship (probably like I've read about). The man and woman are still one person each, and do not give up a part of themselves to make up one being. The equation is: 1+1=1. So like some people try to divide themselves to come up with a whole number in the end, this is not how it works. In fact, there is another metaphor (or a few) that symbolize this. God, Jesus, and the Spirit make up the Trinity. They are each unique and a person but collectively make up an essence. It's the same way with Jesus' dual nature; He is fully God and yet fully man. This is, then, true for man and woman (in their designed, unified role in marriage). So, in the way that a man and woman should love one another as in a marriage, Jesus loves us (the Church) this way. Jesus wants us to love Him with what He has given us. In a loving relationship, you do not give away your dreams (that part of your 'heart'). You let the other person fulfill them! (This concept is helping me along with choosing (waiting patiently) for the right person to come along). Like Jesus said with the law: "I came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it! To the 't'! Dotting every 'i'!" There is a supernatural happening with people who are destined for each other meet. They enhance one another, not in the way that one of them loses something so that they become a whole, but that they are whole in themselves yet also make up a whole together. A friend of mine a while ago said something to me that I have hung on to for some time, not knowing what to do with it. The conversation started when I said I thought something was "awesome" (a video game or a trick or something entertaining). He replied, "Nothing is 'awesome.' Only God is awesome." I replied with a religious sigh, one that half of me knew he was right and the other half thought I could call something cool or awesome because I really thought so. My friend wanted to reserve a word for God to only associate with Him, "Awesome," as in, "there is nothing as awesome as God," or, "nothing can be awesome besides God." Is there secretly a trade off between giving God a man-made thing (a word) rather than your heart (God-made) when we give in to calling things a certain way? (remember the conflict in the Bible Old Testament between clean/unclean and holy/unholy) Is it that the more we pay attention to the words we are using to glorify God, praise God, honor God, we are giving more into legalism than letting God have our HEART? God desires our heart more than what we can craft to give Him, and whatever we do will never be enough to please Him rather than giving back what He has given us. The heart is God-made, and it longs to be near it's Creator. A steadfast, patient, serving out of love heart is what He longs for. There is nothing greater we can ever give Him, and there is nothing less that He desires for us.